Life is too short to play pretend

This week's verses are Psalm 39:1-6:

I decided, “I will watch what I say
and make sure I do not sin with my tongue.
I will put a muzzle over my mouth
while in the presence of an evil person.”
I was stone silent;
I held back the urge to speak.
My frustration grew;
my anxiety intensified.
As I thought about it, I became impatient.
Finally I spoke these words:
“O Lord, help me understand my mortality
and the brevity of life.
Let me realize how quickly my life will pass.
Look, you make my days short-lived,
and my life span is nothing from your perspective.
Surely all people, even those who seem secure, are nothing but vapor. (Selah)
Surely people go through life as mere ghosts.
Surely they accumulate worthless wealth
without knowing who will eventually haul it away.”

 Sometimes life can be short. A friend of mine was telling me the other day that his cousin died suddenly this week after a short battle with cancer. A similar fate befell one of my uncles recently. And I saw some friends on Sunday for the first time since this past summer, when their five year old son had been tragically killed playing in the yard, on a day otherwise just like any other day. 

We never know when these awful things will happen. Even if the doctor tells us we have four weeks to live, sometimes four weeks last four years. Or sometimes "happily ever after" only lasts a month or a few days. The only thing we know is that it will eventually be our time. That is the infuriating truth that King David was struggling with when he wrote this Psalm.

We don't know what the occasion was for David's frustration and sadness. We know he lost his best friend in battle early in life. And later he lost his newborn son. But one thing we do know is that he was having a justifiably rough time when he wrote these verses.

So his first verses are basically him saying, "Look, I was trying not to say anything, but I can't just keep quiet." Have you ever been in an emotionally tense situation, where you're trying to remain civil, trying not to retaliate, or to say the thing that's welling up inside of you, but ultimately you can't keep from blurting it out? That's David here.

He's trying to keep up a "good witness" and not talk about the things he's unsatisfied with in life, the unfair things he can't explain with nice neat theology. But it's building up inside of him. And then before he knows it, he's in that moment where your spouse or boss or best friend has just hurt you, and your inner voice is telling you "don't say it! don't say it!" as you get ready to say the thing you can't take back. 

David doesn't want to put ammo in the hands of the wicked people who look down on his religion by speaking carelessly. He doesn't want to say hurtful things to God. But he can't hold it in forever.

But that's what's supposed to happen. We can't go through life putting on an act. "La politesse" is fine if you're just making a shallow attempt to work peaceably with colleagues, but it's no way to have a genuine relationship. Sometimes you have to lance the wound. It's not pleasant, but it's real.

So David is saying "Look, this is terrible. We barely get started and then it's all over. We work so hard to make plans for the future, to be able to share our treasures with those we love, and then something like this happens and it's all for nothing. Why bother? We're like ghosts, just drifting meaninglessly through the world, until we evaporate without warning." Maybe we don't exactly agree with what he's saying, but we can agree he's being honest.

What are your prayers like when you're having a bad day or week? When something has shattered your life? Are you polite and collected and artificial in your private moments with God? Are you praying for appearances, worrying more about keeping a good witness than being reconciled to your creator?

Or do you throw it all out there, like David? I think David had the right idea. If you're having a problem in a relationship, the worst thing you can do is not talk about it and just pretend everything is fine.

But that's not to say we should be negative all the time. David was right to control his tongue when he was around strangers. Being a chronic complainer is not a good look for anyone. But there's a lot of space to move in between never speaking and never shutting up.

Next time you're having a rough time, don't be afraid to be honest with God. It's OK to tell Him what you are thinking and feeling, and to ask for help in understanding things you're probably not going to be able to understand. It's part of having a relationship. How are you going to make peace if you never sit down at the table and talk?

Sometimes life can be short. How long do you honestly plan to live on this Earth? If it's true that we are here on some level to learn as much as we can about God and ourselves and His world, can we really afford to just go through the motions for another day? 

We might not have another day. And maybe that conversation can't take place in any other context than the one you're in right now. Make it a priority to talk to God when there's something on your heart. Life is too short to waste any of it hiding from the one being who truly loves you for who you are.

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