Being positive
This week's study is on Ephesians 4:25-32:
These verses come after Paul gets done saying something along the lines of, "don't be the old pre-Christian you. Be the new Christian you." In these verses, he addresses talk and attitude. Talk springs from attitude, but we can control the talk while we're still working on the attitude.
Paul says to speak truthfully to our neighbor. It's often easier to just lie and say everything is fine, or to say mean things we don't mean when we're angry to someone. It's easier to deny that there's any basis to what someone is confronting us with rather than have the humility to search ourselves. (How easily "Don't put this on me," or "Don't judge me," or "You're just bitter because of X," or "Yeah but you're doing Y so you can't talk," or "Whatever" rolls off some people's lips.) It's our job to be honest and share our thoughts and feelings with each other. We don't always get it right, but we should at least try.
He says not to let any unwholesome talk come from our mouths, just what's helpful. I've had plenty of talks with people that were just not helpful for either of us. Either the person was not in a position to benefit from what I was sharing, or my attitude was wrong in addressing it. I've also been in situations where those roles were reversed. But even general anger can make our talk unwholesome. I've been around plenty of people who were experts at being angry. They were angry at the government, angry at their employer, angry at their colleagues, angry at their family, angry at society, angry at people they heard about on the news, etc and they were quick to let everyone around them know. Nobody is built up by that. It either wears people down, or infects them with the same anger.
Paul says to not sin in our anger. When we get angry, we usually take one of two hurtful paths. Either we say things in an attempt to hurt the person for making us angry, or we pressure them to try to do what we wanted them to do in the first place. I had a situation this week where the transport pass I ordered months ago still hadn't shown up at my apartment. The old one had expired. I'd already been down to the transport office before and they assured me that it was on its way. I was furious! I had to remind myself over and over to be nice to the desk clerk, even though they'd greatly inconvenienced me. By the grace of God, I was able to be civil, and they had my transport pass there in the office waiting for me. So I got what I needed and nobody got hurt.
But it's tempting, when we're angered, to loom over someone and berate them for not serving things up the way we ordered. Or to try to twist their arm into doing what we want so that we win. Neither of those are christlike traits. It's our flesh that makes us do it. Our meatsuits are making decisions that our spirit should be making! If our actions are the same actions that an animal would perform in our situation (growling, barking, biting, tackling, intimidating, etc) then it's probably our flesh.
Paul says not to let the sun go down on our anger. How many of us have skipped that one? After sundown, in Biblical times, it was considered a new day. If you're still angry when the new day comes, your anger has gotten a mind of its own. Christlike traits would have us being slow to anger, quick to forgive. If we're easily angered and never forgive, that sounds like something else.
He says to get rid of all anger and rage, bitterness, brawling, slander, and malice. How familiar those tools are to angry people! Have you or anyone you know ever said mean angry things and broke stuff? That's rage! How about just staying angry and negative towards someone who made you angry, even after they've changed? That's bitterness! How about attacking someone physically, or picking fights with them, or breaking their things vengefully? That's brawling! What about making up or exaggerating negative things about someone in order to try to make people hate that person? That's slander! How about wanting things to go poorly for someone who has made you angry, or even working to trick or get revenge on that person? That's malice! These are all things we have to get rid of because they represent a culture that isn't found in the kingdom we're meant to be representing.
We're meant to be kind and compassionate to each other, forgiving each other. Does your life reflect that? In your dealings with people, does anger reign, or does kindness and compassion? Do kindness and compassion follow the anger, or is the anger just followed by more anger? Is it love that drives your confrontations, or is it an angry self-righteousness need to control others? Is it driven by the spirit or by the flesh? Is it you and Jesus riding gloriously into battle against the sinner? Or is it you and Jesus coaxing a cat out of a tree or helping an old lady get to where she needs go go?
The end result needs to be forgiveness, which means that the sin is put to death and no further charges are held. It's at least a two man job. When you're angry or on the warpath, ask yourself "Is forgiveness the end result of my thoughts and actions?" Often it is not. We often claim we want forgiveness, because that's what spiritual people always say, but what we actually want is the closure that comes from watching someone serve out their sentence. But if we're not working towards a goal in which all parties are reconciled to one another, we're not playing on Jesus' team.
Jesus was kind to us and compassionate. He forgave us. He wasn't berating mankind from the cross. He didn't emerge from the tomb, newly risen, with a handwritten list of people to get back at. When he stood innocent before the crowd of our peers shouting "Crucify him," he didn't shout back "To hell with all of you!"
Could we picture ourselves in those same situations, acting as Jesus acted? I doubt it. When the SWAT team busted down the doors of Gethsemane in the pre-dawn hours, I'd identify more with Peter, sword out, trying to take heads, than Jesus, trying to make things right.
The basic gist of all of this is that when we're confronted with the sort of outrage and injustice that would make us angry, we should try to act like Jesus and see things the way he'd see it. It's not easy. In fact, you could argue that we need the Holy Spirit to help remind us when we're out of line. It is at least a two person job, after all.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
These verses come after Paul gets done saying something along the lines of, "don't be the old pre-Christian you. Be the new Christian you." In these verses, he addresses talk and attitude. Talk springs from attitude, but we can control the talk while we're still working on the attitude.
Paul says to speak truthfully to our neighbor. It's often easier to just lie and say everything is fine, or to say mean things we don't mean when we're angry to someone. It's easier to deny that there's any basis to what someone is confronting us with rather than have the humility to search ourselves. (How easily "Don't put this on me," or "Don't judge me," or "You're just bitter because of X," or "Yeah but you're doing Y so you can't talk," or "Whatever" rolls off some people's lips.) It's our job to be honest and share our thoughts and feelings with each other. We don't always get it right, but we should at least try.
He says not to let any unwholesome talk come from our mouths, just what's helpful. I've had plenty of talks with people that were just not helpful for either of us. Either the person was not in a position to benefit from what I was sharing, or my attitude was wrong in addressing it. I've also been in situations where those roles were reversed. But even general anger can make our talk unwholesome. I've been around plenty of people who were experts at being angry. They were angry at the government, angry at their employer, angry at their colleagues, angry at their family, angry at society, angry at people they heard about on the news, etc and they were quick to let everyone around them know. Nobody is built up by that. It either wears people down, or infects them with the same anger.
Paul says to not sin in our anger. When we get angry, we usually take one of two hurtful paths. Either we say things in an attempt to hurt the person for making us angry, or we pressure them to try to do what we wanted them to do in the first place. I had a situation this week where the transport pass I ordered months ago still hadn't shown up at my apartment. The old one had expired. I'd already been down to the transport office before and they assured me that it was on its way. I was furious! I had to remind myself over and over to be nice to the desk clerk, even though they'd greatly inconvenienced me. By the grace of God, I was able to be civil, and they had my transport pass there in the office waiting for me. So I got what I needed and nobody got hurt.
But it's tempting, when we're angered, to loom over someone and berate them for not serving things up the way we ordered. Or to try to twist their arm into doing what we want so that we win. Neither of those are christlike traits. It's our flesh that makes us do it. Our meatsuits are making decisions that our spirit should be making! If our actions are the same actions that an animal would perform in our situation (growling, barking, biting, tackling, intimidating, etc) then it's probably our flesh.
Paul says not to let the sun go down on our anger. How many of us have skipped that one? After sundown, in Biblical times, it was considered a new day. If you're still angry when the new day comes, your anger has gotten a mind of its own. Christlike traits would have us being slow to anger, quick to forgive. If we're easily angered and never forgive, that sounds like something else.
He says to get rid of all anger and rage, bitterness, brawling, slander, and malice. How familiar those tools are to angry people! Have you or anyone you know ever said mean angry things and broke stuff? That's rage! How about just staying angry and negative towards someone who made you angry, even after they've changed? That's bitterness! How about attacking someone physically, or picking fights with them, or breaking their things vengefully? That's brawling! What about making up or exaggerating negative things about someone in order to try to make people hate that person? That's slander! How about wanting things to go poorly for someone who has made you angry, or even working to trick or get revenge on that person? That's malice! These are all things we have to get rid of because they represent a culture that isn't found in the kingdom we're meant to be representing.
We're meant to be kind and compassionate to each other, forgiving each other. Does your life reflect that? In your dealings with people, does anger reign, or does kindness and compassion? Do kindness and compassion follow the anger, or is the anger just followed by more anger? Is it love that drives your confrontations, or is it an angry self-righteousness need to control others? Is it driven by the spirit or by the flesh? Is it you and Jesus riding gloriously into battle against the sinner? Or is it you and Jesus coaxing a cat out of a tree or helping an old lady get to where she needs go go?
The end result needs to be forgiveness, which means that the sin is put to death and no further charges are held. It's at least a two man job. When you're angry or on the warpath, ask yourself "Is forgiveness the end result of my thoughts and actions?" Often it is not. We often claim we want forgiveness, because that's what spiritual people always say, but what we actually want is the closure that comes from watching someone serve out their sentence. But if we're not working towards a goal in which all parties are reconciled to one another, we're not playing on Jesus' team.
Jesus was kind to us and compassionate. He forgave us. He wasn't berating mankind from the cross. He didn't emerge from the tomb, newly risen, with a handwritten list of people to get back at. When he stood innocent before the crowd of our peers shouting "Crucify him," he didn't shout back "To hell with all of you!"
Could we picture ourselves in those same situations, acting as Jesus acted? I doubt it. When the SWAT team busted down the doors of Gethsemane in the pre-dawn hours, I'd identify more with Peter, sword out, trying to take heads, than Jesus, trying to make things right.
The basic gist of all of this is that when we're confronted with the sort of outrage and injustice that would make us angry, we should try to act like Jesus and see things the way he'd see it. It's not easy. In fact, you could argue that we need the Holy Spirit to help remind us when we're out of line. It is at least a two person job, after all.
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