Confrontations and barriers
This week is on Matthew 7:1-6:
I have the opportunity from time to time to confront or counsel people. Lately it seems I'm being stuck in the midst of irreconcilable differences between old friends, which is often heartbreaking. Usually some of these things that Jesus describes are in the midst of the disagreement. In living in community with one another, looking after each other, we sometimes fall into these bad patterns and don't realize it. I'll break the three patterns down separately, like Jesus did.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." This doesn't mean what people often take it to mean. It doesn't mean "Don't acknowledge or address faults in others." Jesus tells us elsewhere that part of living in community is doing that, and Paul goes into great detail as far as what that looks like. As best as I've been able to understand it, Jesus is talking about a kind of haughty attitude here.
Judgment is a final thing. You've issued a verdict. You've decided the case and are done with it. The person can't make an argument to the contrary. You won't hear any further evidence on the case. There is no chance of appeal or clemency. The person sentenced might not even know the charges against them, just the verdict you've issued. You're judge, jury, and executioner.
I see this in married couples sometimes, where the woman is like "You don't care about me." And the guy is like "What are you talking about? I'd saw off my right arm and feed it to you if you were hungry. What is making you feel that way?" And then she'll say something like "I don't want to talk about it." And then they never do.
So what community can exist between the two of them? The accuser has chosen the grudge over the relationship. And so the relationship continues broken, the accused having no idea what he's done wrong, and the accuser continuing to gather evidence against the accused for crimes he's probably not even committed. What redemption can there be, when no price can be paid for freedom, and no evidence entered in the defendant's case?
I know plenty of people, ex-lovers, former church members, estranged family members, former business partners or teammates, who haven't spoken to each other in years out of grudges they've held. No appeals reach them. No pleas for clemency are heard. They live in a prison they've designed for the other, because back in 1974 so-and-so didn't show up for someone or other's funeral. Their community is divided. Between Christians, it means the church is divided. And Jesus has all sorts of angry things to say about that elsewhere.
How are you supposed to bless your enemy if you won't even look at him? How can you forgive without acknowledging what has been forgiven and the price it cost you to let it go? The Pharisees talked about refusing to dine with sinners. Acknowledging that someone is a prostitute or an adulteress isn't judgment. Jesus did that lovingly. Refusing to eat with her or be seen with her is judgment.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." These verses also don't mean what people often take them to mean. They don't mean "Don't confront your brother." What they mean is that we should examine ourselves first before trying to help someone with something, in case we're part of the problem.
These people exist in one-way community. They're like the judges, except they're more compassionate. They don't want punishment, they want to help. The problem is they don't want to be helped. They don't want to see their own sin. They just want to fix others. They want a hobby to keep their mind off of the pains of introspection, or a scapegoat to bear the blame alone.
I see this in couples as well. You'll have a guy saying something like "My wife is a lazy slob," blaming the disorder and filth in the house entirely on her, while his workshop and office are in just as much squalor. Looking more closely, you'll see that most of the clutter around the house is his, or was left by him. But because his wife is also sloppy, it gives him a convenient out. She, in turn, says the same things about him, and so they live divided from each other, pointing fingers and never changing or growing back together. Neither can help the other without acknowledging that they're both sloppy.
The accuser wants to fix the accused, without realizing that God has actually blessed them with a living mirror. They can both change, thanks to that blessing. Anyone who attends a meeting like AA will understand the usefulness of having people around who share their weakness and who have mastered it. They base their community on it. Jesus isn't talking about the guy who never touched alcohol showing up and lecturing them on it. Jesus is that guy sometimes. The person Jesus is talking about is the guy with two DWI convictions who drinks a litre and a half of vodka a day complaining about what a sloppy drunk the guy who drinks a twelve-pack of beer every night at home is.
We should be keeping each other strong, not arguing over which of us is more of a degenerate. And if we are trying to help others straighten their place out, we should be receptive to what parts of the mess are our own. That's not to say that we shouldn't insist that people change their ways. Sometimes we have to. What Jesus is saying that we shouldn't be hypocrites, insisting that others change while avoiding introspection and refusing correction ourselves. If you're standing eye to eye, yelling at each other to clean up the mess, community depends on one of you being the first to stoop down and pick something up. Be that person.
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." And this is the one that consistently breaks my heart. In this, the fault isn't with the accuser, but with the accused. The person who needs help the most is the one refusing it and getting themselves deeper into trouble in the process. And there's nothing you can do to reach them.
You see this a lot when trying to help someone who is emotionally invested in the thing you're trying to help them with. Maybe someone's dating someone who is cheating on them. You know this, but they accuse you of being jealous and trying to break them up, and then go around telling everyone what a backstabber you are. Or maybe someone is proud of how much they can drink, without noticing how their family is falling apart, and you point it out to them. And they accuse you of being judgmental and meddling with their private family life and then they start a fist fight with you. Some people don't like to hear bad news, or don't like to examine themselves. You're wrong to push the issue with them, because you cause them to heap more sin upon themselves by reacting as they do.
Dogs and pigs were considered to be filthy animals in ancient times. Dogs were cowards, and pigs were just plain unclean. Both are dangerous when cornered. If someone is willfully mired in their filth, or is afraid to examine themselves, you're not doing anyone any favors by pressing an issue with them. Let it drop and do your best not to look at the trainwreck that follows. All you'll do is kill yourself by trying to step onto the tracks to stop it, adding yourself to the death toll they'll be responsible for.
Dogs and pigs don't want your sacred things and shiny pearls of wisdom. They don't understand them. They feel threatened by your approach. Hold onto it, pray if you want, and maybe when they're done being dogs and pigs they'll appreciate the gift you've been holding for them. Just because what you have is good and valuable doesn't mean that the recipient is able to profit from it.
If you understand those three pitfalls in community life, you'll do well at doing God's work. Christianity is about truth and reconciliation. We can't be afraid to look at ourselves and those around us, because the truth requires it. Light is for exactly that purpose. But we also can't hold onto problems forever, whether they're problems in others like the judge holds, or problems in ourselves, like the pigs and dogs hold. Reconciliation requires all parties to come to an agreement. An unreconciled community is at war with itself, and our God is a God of peace. We want light and love, not darkness and division.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
I have the opportunity from time to time to confront or counsel people. Lately it seems I'm being stuck in the midst of irreconcilable differences between old friends, which is often heartbreaking. Usually some of these things that Jesus describes are in the midst of the disagreement. In living in community with one another, looking after each other, we sometimes fall into these bad patterns and don't realize it. I'll break the three patterns down separately, like Jesus did.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." This doesn't mean what people often take it to mean. It doesn't mean "Don't acknowledge or address faults in others." Jesus tells us elsewhere that part of living in community is doing that, and Paul goes into great detail as far as what that looks like. As best as I've been able to understand it, Jesus is talking about a kind of haughty attitude here.
Judgment is a final thing. You've issued a verdict. You've decided the case and are done with it. The person can't make an argument to the contrary. You won't hear any further evidence on the case. There is no chance of appeal or clemency. The person sentenced might not even know the charges against them, just the verdict you've issued. You're judge, jury, and executioner.
I see this in married couples sometimes, where the woman is like "You don't care about me." And the guy is like "What are you talking about? I'd saw off my right arm and feed it to you if you were hungry. What is making you feel that way?" And then she'll say something like "I don't want to talk about it." And then they never do.
So what community can exist between the two of them? The accuser has chosen the grudge over the relationship. And so the relationship continues broken, the accused having no idea what he's done wrong, and the accuser continuing to gather evidence against the accused for crimes he's probably not even committed. What redemption can there be, when no price can be paid for freedom, and no evidence entered in the defendant's case?
I know plenty of people, ex-lovers, former church members, estranged family members, former business partners or teammates, who haven't spoken to each other in years out of grudges they've held. No appeals reach them. No pleas for clemency are heard. They live in a prison they've designed for the other, because back in 1974 so-and-so didn't show up for someone or other's funeral. Their community is divided. Between Christians, it means the church is divided. And Jesus has all sorts of angry things to say about that elsewhere.
How are you supposed to bless your enemy if you won't even look at him? How can you forgive without acknowledging what has been forgiven and the price it cost you to let it go? The Pharisees talked about refusing to dine with sinners. Acknowledging that someone is a prostitute or an adulteress isn't judgment. Jesus did that lovingly. Refusing to eat with her or be seen with her is judgment.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." These verses also don't mean what people often take them to mean. They don't mean "Don't confront your brother." What they mean is that we should examine ourselves first before trying to help someone with something, in case we're part of the problem.
These people exist in one-way community. They're like the judges, except they're more compassionate. They don't want punishment, they want to help. The problem is they don't want to be helped. They don't want to see their own sin. They just want to fix others. They want a hobby to keep their mind off of the pains of introspection, or a scapegoat to bear the blame alone.
I see this in couples as well. You'll have a guy saying something like "My wife is a lazy slob," blaming the disorder and filth in the house entirely on her, while his workshop and office are in just as much squalor. Looking more closely, you'll see that most of the clutter around the house is his, or was left by him. But because his wife is also sloppy, it gives him a convenient out. She, in turn, says the same things about him, and so they live divided from each other, pointing fingers and never changing or growing back together. Neither can help the other without acknowledging that they're both sloppy.
The accuser wants to fix the accused, without realizing that God has actually blessed them with a living mirror. They can both change, thanks to that blessing. Anyone who attends a meeting like AA will understand the usefulness of having people around who share their weakness and who have mastered it. They base their community on it. Jesus isn't talking about the guy who never touched alcohol showing up and lecturing them on it. Jesus is that guy sometimes. The person Jesus is talking about is the guy with two DWI convictions who drinks a litre and a half of vodka a day complaining about what a sloppy drunk the guy who drinks a twelve-pack of beer every night at home is.
We should be keeping each other strong, not arguing over which of us is more of a degenerate. And if we are trying to help others straighten their place out, we should be receptive to what parts of the mess are our own. That's not to say that we shouldn't insist that people change their ways. Sometimes we have to. What Jesus is saying that we shouldn't be hypocrites, insisting that others change while avoiding introspection and refusing correction ourselves. If you're standing eye to eye, yelling at each other to clean up the mess, community depends on one of you being the first to stoop down and pick something up. Be that person.
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." And this is the one that consistently breaks my heart. In this, the fault isn't with the accuser, but with the accused. The person who needs help the most is the one refusing it and getting themselves deeper into trouble in the process. And there's nothing you can do to reach them.
You see this a lot when trying to help someone who is emotionally invested in the thing you're trying to help them with. Maybe someone's dating someone who is cheating on them. You know this, but they accuse you of being jealous and trying to break them up, and then go around telling everyone what a backstabber you are. Or maybe someone is proud of how much they can drink, without noticing how their family is falling apart, and you point it out to them. And they accuse you of being judgmental and meddling with their private family life and then they start a fist fight with you. Some people don't like to hear bad news, or don't like to examine themselves. You're wrong to push the issue with them, because you cause them to heap more sin upon themselves by reacting as they do.
Dogs and pigs were considered to be filthy animals in ancient times. Dogs were cowards, and pigs were just plain unclean. Both are dangerous when cornered. If someone is willfully mired in their filth, or is afraid to examine themselves, you're not doing anyone any favors by pressing an issue with them. Let it drop and do your best not to look at the trainwreck that follows. All you'll do is kill yourself by trying to step onto the tracks to stop it, adding yourself to the death toll they'll be responsible for.
Dogs and pigs don't want your sacred things and shiny pearls of wisdom. They don't understand them. They feel threatened by your approach. Hold onto it, pray if you want, and maybe when they're done being dogs and pigs they'll appreciate the gift you've been holding for them. Just because what you have is good and valuable doesn't mean that the recipient is able to profit from it.
If you understand those three pitfalls in community life, you'll do well at doing God's work. Christianity is about truth and reconciliation. We can't be afraid to look at ourselves and those around us, because the truth requires it. Light is for exactly that purpose. But we also can't hold onto problems forever, whether they're problems in others like the judge holds, or problems in ourselves, like the pigs and dogs hold. Reconciliation requires all parties to come to an agreement. An unreconciled community is at war with itself, and our God is a God of peace. We want light and love, not darkness and division.
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